Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
