Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
