I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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