I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
