guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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