we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
