apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
