Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize