you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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