Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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