Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
