The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
