you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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