my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You have to summon your inner elephant
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
