I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
