the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
