every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
