I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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