Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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