I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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