i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
