i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made him laugh his dick is mine
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
