I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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