dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
