Non-Jews are for practice
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
soo... how was my night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
