the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
