We should be called the Road Head Warriors
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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