also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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