I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
