I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
