doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
