I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
