Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
