guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this boner is exhausting
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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