i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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