i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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