If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
