My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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