I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
