My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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