I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
