I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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