im having a threesome with these popsicles
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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