you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
