I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
