who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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