So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
