By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
