if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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