also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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