I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
