i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
