sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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