Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
