census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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