Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
