I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
