Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
