i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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