hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
