FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
