i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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