Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
