I think my fart just growled at me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
