This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
