i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
