Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
