Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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