I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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