Your face is a jimmy john
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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