I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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