Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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