Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
